Why a Blog?

Well hey there! Thanks for stopping by!
My name is Avery Gunnell and I’m so happy you clicked on my blog! Just a couple things about me—but you can read more on my profile (:—I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I am currently studying piano performance at BYU, I am an only child, I have a bunch of little cousins on my mom’s side that I babysit and play with a TON, I love photography, I am a die-hard country music fan, and I have severe anxiety.

Now you may be thinking—what makes me qualified to make a blog about mental health?

To that, I would respond: whoever said I’m qualified? Haha :)

I do believe, however, that I have some “qualifications” that come from my multiple years of therapy and dealing with mental illnesses that I hope can maybe help at least one person out there on the internet. Before we get too deep into tools and tactics, I want to give you a brief overview of my experiences:

My anxiety has been a part of my life since I was little. I don’t remember this, but my mom remembers how I would get so nervous years ago, then I would make myself sick and immediately be fine again. As the years went on, my anxiety manifested itself in OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). I would constantly worry about things completely out of my control, like volcanoes (I live in Utah haha), earthquakes, tsunamis (from when I lived in Oregon), and pretty much everything I could even think about.

Now fast forward to when I moved from Oregon, where I grew up, to Utah, where I live now. Everything seemed to be fine until I got the stomach flu about a week into living in our new apartment. That is where things went downhill. The next couple months were incredibly hard, because I hated my school, developed mild separation anxiety, and worried constantly. My trigger? Throwing up. I know—weirdest thing right? Well little did I know then that that little trigger along with my triggers from stomachaches (because I was always worried about throwing up) would continue for a long time!

I eventually developed panic attacks around the age of 13. These would last hours. The only ways to get me to calm down were to walk up and down stairs until the attack was over or to have someone drive me in the car for as long as it lasted. Most of my panic attacks were at night so I have many memories of long nights of my dad driving on the freeway and staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning sometimes, trying to get me to calm down enough so I could sleep and do it all again the next day. The only words I can use to describe this time in my life are total darkness. At this point, it was anyone’s guess as to how long this would continue in my life, let alone how I would continue on to become a functioning teen and adult in society. I distinctly remember when my parents took me to the ER as a last resort on a particularly bad panic attack night. I didn’t have to be hospitalized, luckily, but that made me realize how bad my situation really was. Was I going to be there for the rest of my life? What would this mean for a future family? What does it mean for my family now? I started thinking that life wasn’t worth living and anxiety was too much for me. I felt utterly alone and I didn’t know how to move forward, and I didn’t like what I was moving forward to at that point. You could say that my life had hit rock bottom. But, you know what is nice about hitting rock bottom? The only way to go is...up!

Now, after what I can only describe as absolute Divine Intervention, we found a psychiatrist who prescribed me a medication to take the edge off so I could start to heal. That medication backfired, so she immediately took me off COLD TURKEY. Now, I understand the reasoning behind this and support what happened, even though that’s not something you should do for someone having constant anxiety attacks. For those of you that may not know, anxiety/depression medication, or any medication for that matter, is not something that you can just quit. You need to wean yourself off bit by bit because that stuff has a powerful effect on you. (Side note: I love the medication I’m on now and I know I am more myself when I’m on it because my anxiety is lessened so much. I can write about this later (: ).That next week was pretty bad—the rock bottom of my rock bottom. Surprisingly, that next week was the only week of school that I missed completely due to anxiety. My body HATED me for getting off of that medication. I think I must have blocked it out from my memory, because I don’t remember much. What I do remember was the electric shocks my body got. That is how I describe it to people—my body constantly had electric shocks pulsating through. The only true memory I have from that week was me talking to my band director and telling him I had a bad reaction to my medication. I wasn’t comfortable telling people then that I had anxiety. Look at how far we’ve come! :)

I saw another therapist after the first one and got prescribed a new medication that I’ve been on since then. Two therapists later, I am now happy with my current therapist and through years of therapy and hard work and help from God and the Priesthood, I am preparing to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! Honestly, without the IMMENSE help from my family, I wouldn’t be where I am now. There is no possible way I can thank my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles for everything they have done for me over the years, from staying up with me and helping me with panic attacks to being there when I needed a listening ear. A few days ago (technically last year cuz it’s 2020 now (: ), I realized that some of my experiences and things I learn in therapy and things I learn by experience can help people! Why am I keeping it hidden? Well not anymore!

I hope to use this account for anxiety help, stories, techniques, and, when I leave on my mission, emails from me about life on a mission with anxiety! If there’s anything you specifically want to see, let me know! I would love to post weekly so we’ll see what happens this next week as the Winter Semester starts. :)